Category: Essay

Essay, Writing

Female Identity & Transmasculine Experience

I’m often asked why I call myself female but don’t identify as a woman. I’m also often asked why I say that I have a transmasculine experience, rather than saying that I am a trans person. Sometimes people think that means that my transmasculine experience is somehow not as valid as their transmasculine experience, because …

Essay, Writing

Queer Identities & Generational Tension

I’ve been pondering these tensions about queer identities. Sometimes people deny other people’s right to particular identities, consider them appropriation, or try to erase them entirely. When I was in my early twenties, we were having eerily similar arguments, over different identities, with the generation that came before us. This is how I am coming …

Essay, Writing

Triggers Are Distinct From Offense

I purposefully don’t use the word “triggered” in reference to what pisses me off, online or anywhere else. I don’t use it, because I’m not triggered by those things. I’m offended and appalled by a shit-ton of things that y’all post or say; I’m often irritated by things that you post or, and once in …

Essay, Writing

Old Dogs, New Tricks

One of the greatest untruths that we commonly accept is that old dogs can’t learn new tricks. Not only is that entirely untrue for dogs, who both can learn and enjoy learning new tricks, throughout their lives, it is untrue for humans as well. My father, as many of you know, was raised in the …

Essay, Writing

Men, Women, and #MeToo

#MeToo Anthology

This essay appears in the 2017 anthology #MeToo: Essays About How and Why This Happened, What It Means and How to Make Sure It Never Happens Again, edited by Lori Perkins, under the name Jude M. Lucien. I’m reading lots and lots of experiences of harassment, assault, and rape. These things are always wrong. They’re …

Essay, Writing

Social Networks, Catholicism, & Social Justice Community

I am, according to critics, an SJW. My friends are SJWs. Every last one of us contributes beyond the keyboard. But we’re all here too, in online communities. I don’t have any trouble finding news, or jokes, or porn, and I don’t need social networks for any of those things. I stick around for the …

Essay, Writing

On Guilt & White Privilege

Race is an accident of birth. Acting like an asshole is a choice. Often, when I criticize racism or acknowledge racial inequality (both online and in meatlife), some white person accuses me of acting out of white guilt. That’s hilarious to me. Guilty people rarely act. Guilt is an immobilizing emotion. Fortunately, it’s not an …

Essay, Writing

Desire And Unintentional Gaslighting

Once, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Her eyes were this color, that’s seared into my mind. I’m like a dog, typically; I interpret sustained eye contact as a threat. But I spent hours staring into her eyes. I was late to work. I didn’t care. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t care. She …

Essay, Writing

Psychological Self-Defense, The Golden Rule, & Finding the Line

It comes up repeatedly in various places: How should we treat groups that dominate/oppress us? How much is it okay to mock them? How much is it okay to ‘other’ them? How much is it okay to dehumanize them? It’s all very nice to think that we should all treat one another as we’d like …

Essay, Writing

We Need Champions: Violence, Intervention, & Us

It’s so fucking hard to intervene. By hard, I mean that it’s fucking terrifying. Especially when you’re someone who is sometimes targeted yourself. You may be someone who has been beaten yourself. Someone who knows that people want you dead. It’s the scariest thing in the world. You might get beaten if you intervene. You …